BUZZ BUZZ Once There Was...

something is ... unright. not wrong. well. as 'not wrong' as 'being up at 3:15am b/c of restless thoughts' can be. Still. It's nothing as serious as WRONG. I'm not wiggy--there's no anger or dizziness or confusion or sadness.

I'm just staring at my list and feeling faintly betrayed.

Lists HELP.

They keep me from feeling pressured to remember EVERYTHING all at once. I don't have to be the kid that marches to the store chanting, 'stick of butter, loaf of bread, gallon of milk' over and over and over again. I can relax. I can do each chore without dwelling on the others. I don't have to fear forgetting something important.

They are my map. They give me placement. They give me something to gauge my progress. A list with a lot of lines through it is much more satisfying than a bunch of chores' 'accomplished' state. Yup, that's a lot of trash that's not in my room. Yup, all those addresses condensed down into a very slender volume. Yup, look at all that non-existent planning that's been incorporeally planned.

The list is satisfaction!



I've been working hard on my list. I've had some play days and some non-play days, but i'm more or less on target.

Tonight, though, my list is being mean to me.

It won't reassure me. It doesn't make me feel like i'm making progress. It's sitting there, staring at me with a whole smattering of things that i cannot do tomorrow because I will be at work. I cannot take my book shelves to work to organize them. Things that I finished today each sprouted 3 heads and jumped back on the list. Other items on the list are too large to swallow whole. Especially not two of those on the same day.

I feel too much as though I MUST do more of it before bed, yet i'm too tired to do any of it effectively enough to cross things off it.

I'm stuck in list-limbo.


Too tired to work; too guilty to sleep.

Bad List. Bad, Bad Naughty list. It's 3:30am. Quit sitting on my brain!

Dear World,

I don't know why we're not rioting in the streets over the current administration's mis-treatment of our own soldiers, of our allies, and of others who would be allies if a hand of human decency were extended.

For me, personally... I have not rioted for many reasons. I like my home, my life, and my tiny problems. I feel overwhelmed and uninformed when dealing with anything of a grander scope. I feel ineffective--both within the context of the system and without. I am not rich enough to purchase a politician or even a single voting machine. I worry that my charitable contributions will be diverted or mis-used. I fear change. I am not equal to the effort. I do not know what to do except complain...quietly...in ways that are apparently easy to ignore.

Sorry I was not more effective in controlling my own government.

If you have pointers on how I might make a positive change in the manners and policies of my government, please do not hesitate to tell me. I'm very much interested, as my current technique of whining and bitching to my friends does not seem to be working.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

X.